Money & Relationships

Money!

For some of us it’s taboo to talk about money in our households or it’s seen as a topic you whisper about.  We have all heard the saying stay away from talking about topics such as religion, politics and finances.  Growing up, I was lucky that my dad talked openly about his salary and expenses with us.  However, over the past few years while having various conversations, several people have admitted that they had not discussed finances before they got married, and it was something they figured out as they went along.  With finance being a major reason people divorce, I found this to be alarming.

Uncomfortable Conversations about Money

Here’s what I have learned, every household is not created equal.  In some households, the man is the breadwinner and in other households, it’s the woman.  Regardless, of who’s in charge of the finances, how finances will be split should be discussed in the dating stages and definitely before you say “I Do”.  So, the question remains, why is money such an uncomfortahle conversation to have in our community and especially in the dating stage.  In the dating stage, I don’t think you have to delve too deep especially in the beginning, but if you have been dating for a while or in a serious relationship, I definitely think finances should be discussed.  For many people, they go into relationships or marriages based on assumptions about what they think their partner will be responsible for or how their partner will contribute to the household.  To be honest, for a long time, I also made assumptions about people I knew that were married.  I assumed that the woman was being taken care of by her spouse, but the reality was that many of those women were the ones really supporting the household.

Bills, Bills, Bills

There has been a lot of conversation on bills being split 50/50 or if it is the man’s responsibility to cover most of the expenses.  In today’s economy, a man covering most of the bills may be difficult.  Regardless of what your dynamic will be, I think we have to learn how to start talking about these topics during the dating stage normal in our community.  Too many people are leaving this important topic to chance and moving forward with one of the biggest decisions we make in our lives. Bills are not going anywhere anytime soon, so the sooner we realize this and talk about them, I think in the long run, it will make our lives easier.  I am not saying talking about money is enough, I think we should also observe how the people we are in relationships with spend money as well.  Look at their patterns, talk about credit scores and talk about future plans concerning how they plan to use and leverage money.