Romance Epiphany
Moment of Truth
After writing my last blog “What happened to Romance?” I had an epiphany. I realized that I am a romantic at heart, but I never really admitted it anyone I have dated previously. I have always accepted what little romance I was given. Being romantic has never been a non-negotiable for me. After writing my last blog, I realized I cannot live without romance in a relationship, so the next person I date, if he is not a romantic person, he isn’t the one. It took me all this time to realize that and actually say it with my chest.
Why Did I Take So Long to Realize This?
To be honest, I always felt like wanting romance was part of the fantasy we watch in movies, so I always said to myself it’s ok if he’s not romantic because there are more important things. I never realized that with this mindset, I wasn’t being true to myself. I felt that romance was something trivial and that it was something that only happened if you were lucky. I realize now that I had been afraid to share with people I have dated that I was a romantic at heart because I always felt like romance was such a small part of the bigger picture. Recently, I was watching something on Netflix, and it hit me that I really do love romance and I have just tucked that part of me away. The thing is I have done romantic things for some of the people I dated and when it wasn’t reciprocated, I thought it was ok because I knew they were not romantic people. I finally realized that I have been holding back because I didn’t think finding a romantic black man was in the cards for me because I find them so few and far between.
What Does Romance Look Like?
Romance looks different for everyone, but for me, these are some of the things I consider romantic. Watching romantic comedies with me even though you don’t enjoy them. Leaving a hand written note somewhere unexpected. Buying cards for anniversaries, holidays and other special occasions and writing a heartfelt message. Although, we can’t make cassettes anymore, creating a special playlist for me. Buying me flowers just because (and yes they can come from the grocery store). Buying me chocolate when it’s that time of the month. For me these things are not just romantic, they are considerate. The list goes on and on, but I mentioned these things because they are mostly about the gesture and don’t cost much. Now does this mean that’s all it takes to show me romance absolutely not, but this is the bare minimum, so if you don’t meet this threshold, I know we can’t move forward.
What’s Next?
They say when you know better, you do better. Now that I have fully acknowledged that romance is important to me, I will no longer accept anything less in the romance department. Moving forward when I meet someone who says things like oh Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday or my dad never bought my mom flowers, so I didn’t grow up with that, I will simply know you are not the man for me and say Thank you, Next!
Esther S.
