What happened to Romance?
Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is considered a day of love, yet I think a lot of women are left feeling blah when this day approaches. With Valentine’s Day having passed only a few weeks ago, it left me wondering about romance in the black community. Now this does not mean there are no black men that are romantic, but I think back to some of the men I have dated or stories I’ve heard from other women throughout the years, and sadly we have encountered many non-romantic men.
Valentine’s Day is a Scam
I have met so many men that have said that Valentine’s Day is a scam and you don’t have to wait one day to show someone you love them, or that it’s a commercial day that is overhyped. The funny thing is that most of these men were not romantic on any other day in the year either. The question is why is there a lack of romance with a lot of black men?
Growing Up Haitian
Growing up in my Haitian household, my dad was the provider of the home, but I can’t think of one occasion where I ever saw him bring flowers or do anything romantic for my mom. It seems the priority was being a provider. While that is important, who was teaching black men about romance? Truthfully, I don’t talk about romance with my mom, but I know she loves flowers because when I send them to her, she gets super emotional and happy. My mother loves receiving flowers. I am not saying my mom was unhappy, I am just saying that she didn’t get the romance that lots of women desire.
Giving Up
A friend of mine called me and said after this Valentine’s Day, she will give up waiting for her partner to do anything special for her cause it doesn’t come natural for him and she doesn’t want it to be forced. If you are in a fulfilling relationship, not getting a gift on Valentine’s Day is probably not a deal breaker, but why do women feel they have to give up on romance? I am not talking about spending hundreds or thousands of dollars either. I am talking about small thoughtful gestures on V-Day or throughout the year. I remember an ex that gave me the best cards and always wrote something thoughtful and how much I would reread those cards while we dated. That was such a simple thing, but it spoke volumes to me back then. I think we need to start a campaign to bring romance back. Flowers, cards, handwritten notes, a cooked meal or just giving your partner something thoughtful would go a long way.
More Questions
I have more questions than answers on this topic. Why are some men so unwilling to be romantic? Is it seen as a sign of weakness? Why does it seem to impact mostly the black community? I don’t know the answers, but I would love to see more conversations about this topic.
By: Esther S.
